Are you hiding in the spiritual closet?
At a young age, I knew I was different. My thoughts always veered towards the unknown and what was behind the veil of reality. What else exists beyond the structured southern life I’m told to live. Get up, go to school, do your homework, get good grades, PTL, rinse, wash, and repeat. Even though I had these thoughts and was starting to consider myself a “deep thinker”, I was able to fit the mold of society pretty well. I actually exceeded at the game of school, but still was unable to find sincere meaning in anything I was doing.
So I searched.
I searched through religion, and found hypocrisy, sexism, and racism. I devoted a lot of my time to church in my early college years, but yet no meaning was found. Little did I know that this search for God was leading me to finding myself.
And I searched.
I searched by looking for meaning in higher education. I did very well in school, made the Dean’s List almost every semester of undergrad and even my first semester of Vet School. Then the person I called my grandfather (he wasn’t blood related) became terminally ill, and I started to view things a bit differently. All the sudden the game of school did not carry as much importance, and the title of “good student” lost its meaning.
So I searched.
My older brother went to massage therapy school when I was starting college and he came across this ancient healing art called Reiki. That sure sounded like it was one of those “what else is out there” things I had been looking for. He showed it to me, talked to me about the symbols, and sent Reiki to me. I do not believe I felt the energy flow during that time, but for some reason, I still believed. He also learned about muscle testing and taught that to me. It was amazing how the body knew the truths even when my mind had no clue.
And I searched.
I graduated Vet school in 2005 and moved 1,200 miles away to start a knew life in Sin City. I earned my Reiki Master Certification during my second year of Veterinary Medicine, but kept this a secret. I was amazed at this energy that seemed to flow through me and into others, yet this energy was not mine. But how could a young 24 year old veterinarian from the south tell people he was into hippie dippy woo woo stuff? I had an image to uphold! I just went through four years of higher education learning about the intricacies of chlorophyl borophyl (yes, that is an Adam Sandler reference), and this white coat means something! With a crisped pressed white coat comes great responsibility! (Cue the Vet Symbol) So into the spiritual closet I go.
I started calling myself an “undercover hippie.” I had a foot in both worlds and enjoyed walking that line. During the day I walked the walk of a western trained medical professional, but in my free time I would learn more about other metaphysical ideas, teaching, and practices, and what else was out there.
I practiced and showed Reiki to some of my coworkers and was met with disbelief and condescending jokes even though they could feel the energy, so I kept it quiet, and this was further proof that I need to stay in the closet. I would give Reiki to my patients, but only when no one was looking, or from the safety of my home to their kennel. I usually had patients that had shorter hospital stays and recovered from surgery quicker than others, and I contribute that to divine healing energy of Reiki. (Segway: All of the divine healing energy around us can be utilized no matter what name we call it. Healing is healing and it’s all about love and intention.)
Time moved forward, and I kept searching. I kept being the undercover hippie and was proud of this. If Tinder was around back then, it would’ve been the caption under my main profile picture. I had little understanding of spell casting and how calling myself an undercover hippie was actually prolonging the path I was supposed to be on, but it was the path I was meant to take, and I am glad it took as long as it did. Hind sight is always 20-20.
So I searched.
Fast forward many years and hardships in the future, and I started to realize that all these “weird” things I did on the side were starting to make more sense than the sensible things. I decided to start listening to that small still voice that we all have. I decided to do what my intuition was telling me to do with no question. I was afraid at first, but the more I listened to my body and the small still voice, the more magik started happening. The more I witnessed magick happen, the more I started to move my foot out of the 3D world and more firmly into the spiritual world. I was ready to start being who I always felt I was, but how could I do this and still be a respected doctor?
I started simply talking about it more. I noticed that there were a lot of people in my life that I thought were pretty weird, but I didn’t cast judgement. I thought it was amazing how they were their weird selves and fine with letting anyone know it, and people accepted them. So why can’t I? But wait, I’m a doctor. They’re all going to laugh at me. I’m going to get a reputation as “that Vet.” I can’t be as free as them. Refer back to the reference regarding great responsibilities and fresh pressed white coats!
And I searched no more, and started doing. Well, I’m always searching and will never stop, but you get the idea. There comes a point were you realize that books do not teach, but actions do.
I started getting burn out in my profession. No better time to be who I am than now. So I did what I called going “full hippie.”
I quit my job, took two months off between jobs, pierced by nose, learned to play the didgeridoo, took conga lessons, and started being who I felt I was on the inside. At the end of the two months, I found another job, and stopped hiding my “unconventional” thoughts and ideas. I started expressing who I was and what I was whenever someone would listen, and even when they didn’t. I continued to wear my freshly pressed white coat, held onto my great responsibilities, and still spoke about the wonders of healing from past traumas using sacred plant medicine, the healing arts of indigenous cultures, astral travel, dissociating from reality with meditation, raising Kundalini and the psychedelic-like experience that can come from that, talking telepathically to animals, music therapy, vibrations, frequencies, crystals, smudging, spiritual protection, and whatever occult knowledge I had learned.
This led up to what I call my “Silver Lining of COVID.” During the first year of COVID, I had the opportunity to learn a Balinese healing modality (Siwa Murti) from the comfort of my computer screen. Since the world was shut down, and we could not go across the world, the world came to us. As I’m in this class learning, I’m realizing most of this is what I already do when I tap into those divine healing energies. My heart sang and a light bulb went off at the same time. This undercover hippie was meant to go full hippie. This is when I decided to combine all of the knowledge I had gained from those years searching into my own healing modality. They all complimented each other because they are all rooted in love and compassion to help another living being. This is when I created “As Above, So Below & Beyond,” and I have not looked back. This is when I fully stepped out of the spiritual closet and closed the door behind me.
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